Weddings, Marriages and Debacles

My best friend is getting married soon, and because of her upcoming nuptials, I have selfishly been thinking of my own quite often lately. As many young girls do, I fantasized of my dream wedding early in my formative years. Of course, my fantasies usually included wild horses, and white doves, and a mystical aura. And of course, being the 80s child I was, my dress was lace and tacky to the extreme, but that's prefectly all right, as was my dream to get married to a song by Foreigner. I think that when you imagine something your entire life, you have left it completely open to being a huge diappointment, but it also allows for you to know specifically what your priorities are, in terms of what you want, what you need, and what you most definitely abhor.
I envisioned a proposal amid romantic circumstances...ie- a picnic, a rendezvous in Paris, a fat diamond in a baked potato at our favorite restaurant (cum Golden Girls). Never once did I suspect that it would be me doing the proposing, or that it would be in the carnage of empty beer bottles, or with my daughter next to me. Were we doing it to placate our families, avoid the endless questions when we were with our child, to satisfy social standards, as well as reap the economic rewards? Perhaps. Perhaps it was also the misty notion of ever after, eternal bands of gold and *cringe* holy union. We were lacking in financial stability, en route to another state, and overwhelmed with our new role as parents, and yet, the idea of a wedding gave us something to hold on to, and strive for. I spent countless hours on ebay, hunting guestbooks, veils and favors. I visited David's Bridal three times, until I found the exact wrong dress at the exact right price, knowing I would simply have to grin and bear it, versus being the princess I longed to be. We went to one location, chose it on spot and had our menu picked out in five minutes. In the tux shop, we picked one immediately, and never looked back. What could have been an extremely arduous task turned out to be relatively simple, and relatively inexpensive. (From start to finish, all accessories included, we spent $4,000) Despite a few familial altercations, and minor setbacks, the wedding date came. But I suppose, in the grand scheme of things, karma knows its business. Because as a striking contrast to the ease of planning, the actual wedding had no grace, no fluidity. Our vows were read wrong by the Notary, there was not enough room for both bride and groom to walk up the aisle together, hence the bride walked behind. Once inside the reception, the groom's grandmother collapsed and stopped breathing, and while the room looked on in horror, the bride ran to call 911. The ambulances revived her and took her away, and the groom lost all interest in the festivities until word came back that she would be all right. And at the end of the night, after dancing, many drinks for some, and mediocre food, a member of the wedding party disappeared, and the police were summoned.
While this may seem fabricated, and quite unbelievable, I can assure you that it is all devastatingly and heartbreakingly true. One may think that such a disastrous day of nuptials would mean most certain doom to its couple, we have, in fact, lasted more than six years. I will not lie, and say the road has been easy, as it will never be, even for the most compatible couple. There are times when the road seems virtually impassable, and days when flowers look brighter, and faroff music can be heard. There are days, when finances have you stretched to your limit, or your partner's idiosyncracies have travelled into the realm of unforgivable, or heartbreaking. And there will be days when on a simple icy Sunday in January, your partner wrestles with your son until they are both breathless from giggles, and you know that things can work.
The best advice I could give to my engaged friend is embrace your whimsy and spontanaeity. Never forget that every situation can have a humorous perpective. Remember that in the great order of things, you come first. And most importantly, not to expect perfection, but to hope for occasional miracles